I was praying today aloud and shocked myself with something.
I don’t consider myself a real frightened type of person. I don’t shrink at the idea of traveling to a foreign place where they have native pythons and weird bacteria in the water.
I don’t distrust people so much I can’t drive through a city. I’m not scared to death of germs to the point of wearing a mask everywhere I go and touching nothing without gloves on. I am aware of those things. But I do not let the fear of them dictate my life.
Those things I just listed above are obvious. Having a fear of planes, trains, or water is common and easy to recognize.
However, what’s not easy to see is the finer print fears that lay low in our minds. It’s the ones that do dictate our lives, and we have no idea they are even there running us. Those cases of fear that are embedded in us so deep those strange symptoms come out of us, and we either try and hide the symptoms, or we laugh at them and say, “ya, that’s just me. I can’t do it.” We say, “I can’t believe that..” When what we really should be saying is “I won’t believe that.” The difference between the “I won’t and I will” is fear based.
Yes, it’s true. We do have some natural fear that comes hand in hand with common sense. Like for instance trying to jump a canyon with a motorbike. My fear combined with the common sense of knowing that trying to jump the canyon could end badly for multiple reasons prevents me from trying it. Or maybe I experienced something before and I have a wee bit of PTS that follows. I get that one. Yes mam. I understand that one.
When I was speaking to God, I asked him to eradicate one fear. Then I listed another and another and they just kept coming. I named them one by one, and I just couldn’t believe how many I was pulling out of myself. You know what it’s like going through the couch cushions and crevices and watching the trash and stuff that just keeps coming out? Or watching someone vomit, and you’re sure they’re done, and they aren’t? It just keeps pouring at an alarming rate.
What? I thought to myself. How is this possible I have this many? And, my second thought was how these fears have been handicapping me?
After I got done talking to the Lord, (and might I say I think there were a lot more I could have listed) I came back around to, what do I do with these and how can I be such a weak person?
And what the Lord has come back to me and has said basically this; “Oh, stop it Alice. Your normal and this is exactly what you need to be doing with your fear. Is listing it out, telling me about it, and then asking me to help you overcome them. Its ok for you to be afraid, just know that you should use every opportunity of fear to practice being brave. And I am here to help hold your hand through it all. I will ask you to do many things that you’re afraid of doing. I will ask you to share your talents and invest them. I will ask you to confront people that in no way shape or form you want to talk too. And I will ask you to do the contrary of what you think you can do and say. You will feel like you can’t do it. But, with me by your side, you most certainly can because the power to overcome it comes from me.”
Knowing, God will be beside me in tough moments and hacking my way through my fear is not going to make me feel any comfortable about doing it. It’s incredibly uncomfortable. Like I want to melt into the floor uncomfortably. But, if I am aware that the Holy Spirit is telling me to go to Nineveh, I better just do it.
Isn’t this what encapsulates dying to myself and letting him live through me? Yes. I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. You know that verse? I live on that one. I eat it for breakfast seven days a week. I often take shots of it in the afternoon.
We all have them. Fears that is.
The prophets of old had them. The people of God had them. The disciple Peter was afraid to walk onto the water. Jesus, what a ham! Walking around in the stormy ocean giving those poor fellows a fright. And Peter focused completely on Jesus steps out of that boat and begins to walk himself on top those waves. But, the minute he takes his eyes of Christ and looks around at his fear is when he starts to sink into the cold, dark water. The more he focused on his fear, the worse it became. Of course, Jesus bails him out, while he mumbled something about too little faith under his breath… Or maybe he shouted it out.
Much of the time its fear that stops us from improving ourselves or something. Literally, we are afraid of ???? You fill in the blanks for yourself. Ya go ahead and shock yourself with how many fears you can list of your own that is preventing and hindering you from moving forward in your life, that fear you are allowing to act as a ball and chain around your neck.
List the fears. Tell them to God. Experience the peace that passeth all understanding. And I am preaching to myself here when I say, I must recognize my fear factor, but I must hold my attention on Christ, lest I sink into the watery depths. I must let Jesus be my focus, as I am walking in between the screaming, ugly little wretches that are grabbing at me and asking me to feed them. They are there. Always there. I must learn to drown out the sound of them. I must not throw them crusts of bread, and feel sorry for them.
No. Those fears are not of Jesus Christ. The fears that prevent me from growth in Him have been born from the evil force. Those devils, deliberately, and specifically have tailored and have been calculating what I will use as an excuse to prevent me from being used by the Lord to the fullest if used it all. Fears are similar to those alligator bop it games in the arcade. As soon as you smack one back, another one comes out of nowhere.
I needed to preach to myself here. Wow. I have so many of these pesky things. Now, it’s time to come down from the pulpit as its time for dinner.