I struggled for a long time and didn’t realize it.

This was not easy for me to write, but I feel it’s important to write it, even if just one person reads it and it helps them it’s worth it to me.

So I did, I wrote it.

I hope that it may be able to help you.

Once upon a time, I didn’t know I had problems with depression. I knew I had habits of being blue sometimes, and I could be grouchy and tired and sluggish. But, I just figured it was just who I was, and that was life.

When I was 24 years old, I went to the doctor for something simple. No shots or surgery, nothing to get tense about. Yet my nerves were out of control and sent my blood pressure thru the roof. It was so high, after the nurse left, the doctor came back himself and re-took it. It didn’t really make sense to me, I had already had two babies and been thru a near death experience when my appendix ruptured and I barely made it to the hospital before it killed me. That’s a fun memory…

Anyways, my point is that I should not have been a nervous wreck for a simple doctor visit.

But I was.

I felt drugged on pills

The doctor asked me if I had problems with anxiety or depression and I looked at him like he had seven heads! “Uh, not that I know about…” I trailed off. He told me that he had a little pill I could take once a day and that it would help me with my nerves, he wanted to know if I wanted to try it. I had to make a return appointment, so I told him I would think about it and let him know.

That night over dinner, I told my husband what happened that day, and about the “pill pusher” and laughed about it. My husband looked at me with a straight face and said “He offered to help you with depression and you didn’t take it? ” He wasn’t smiling. He was dead serious.

I didn’t even know I was depressed.

Now, I realized that I could be a classic witch on occasions and I also knew myself to withdraw and close up for sometimes days. But again, I had no one else to compare myself too. The me up to that point was all I had known. After thinking about it for a week, I came back to the doctor and told him I would try the pills. The pills were an antidepressant called Fluoxetine. I had never before taken something like that, although I had a sibling who had been taking them for a few years. I knew that these mental issues could be hereditary and Lord knows, our family has its share of nuts in the fudge! Maybe I was one of them!

After being on the medication, I found myself feeling, well drugged. I wasn’t extreme in any way, just mellow yellow. The drug took away not just my grumpy emotion but it cleaned out my happy emotions as well. I couldn’t cry real tears and my laughter was shallow. It was if I was some sort of caged zombie, not even a zombie that roamed but a caged one. I wasn’t super stoked about feeling drugged, but my husband and I noticed a different person. This person wasn’t a crab on a daily basis. She wasn’t overly happy, but she wasn’t angry or withdrawn either. I stayed on that train for about two years, and then we moved. With that life change, I decided I didn’t want to be a person dependent on anti depressants, so I went to a new doctor and told him exactly that. This new doctor told me that time would tell if I was a person who could get off anti-depressants. He said “a certain percentage of people will always need them. Unfortunately, our genes just don’t produce enough happy juice by themselves and we will always need assistance from drugs.” Thinking again of my family line, I silently hoped he was wrong.

He told me to cut down my pill a little portion every couple days and then wrote a number on a card and handed it to me saying, “if you get off your drugs and feel like you’re going to kill someone, call this number”. He wished me luck and sent me on my way.

I was depressed and I didn't know itI left the office feeling a little hesitant and alone, but there was only one way to find out if I could get off this. Three weeks later, I found myself sitting in the bathroom, door locked and feeling strange and mentally unstable. I didn’t know why I was just sitting in there doing nothing but staring at the wall. I felt awkward and unsure of who this impostor was inside my brain. I wanted to rip her out and stab her to death. I started being unable to sleep well, waking up in the middle of the night was odd. I wanted nothing to do with my normal activities and calling me a nasty witch, was an understatement.

I was torn up mentally now. I was upset and confused. Another week or so went by, and one evening I was talking to my husband who really had no idea the emotional turmoil I was going thru, and I asked him.”Is this awful person who I was before drugs?” He nodded and said yes.

My heart broke right then.

It broke because thru the transition of coming off the meds so quickly, I saw the woman my husband had to live with for eight years of marriage, and I hated her. I couldn’t stand her and Icouldn’t control her. My heart broke because I knew, I was going back to the doctor for more pills to drug me. There wasn’t any way around it. I would be on these drugs for the rest of my life, there was no way I could let my husband and kids live with this detestable person.

am I depressed

So, I went back on drugs for another five years. I watched my world of blue turn back into a black and white shade. The drugged me was lifeless but it was so much better then un-drugged. The monotone zombie me was back and I accepted that this was my lot in life, that I would never be able to not be plugged into the drug companies bank accounts fattening their wallets just so I could be somewhat normal. I heard stories of how terrible the drugs are for your brain, but I tuned them out. There was nothing I could do about it.

I didn’t know it but my life was about to change again. And this would be one of the best changes I ever made in my life. We met Dr. Timothy Hyatt. Well actually my husband met him first and found out about this supplement he had invented for people just like me. My husband came home super excited and told me about EQ and that he asked Dr. Hyatt to help me get off drugs and try EQ to see if it would help heal my brain and stabilize me. I was open to it. Dr. Hyatt was our first encounter with a natural path and I wasn’t sure what to expect, but I was willing to try it.

Alice Behnke IIIt took me about two months to fully get off my meds and all the while I was taking EQ. I felt my connectors firing up, it felt like what I would describe as fireworks going off in my brain. It didn’t hurt, just felt like little zaps of energy. I had answers, and explanations to my questions and real support which was so different from the last doctor.

Being on EQ, and transferring off the drugs wasn’t a real quick process, it took a few months, but both my husband and I again saw another shade of me. One that neither of us had ever seen. This one was vibrant and happy and moody and saucy and was on a normal emotional roller coaster that ebbed and tide like it should. It’s almost like the me with a healthy brain function had never worked before in my life and now here it was! The person I was born to be is finally here! It only took 32 years to find her but that is water under the bridge now.

I am so excited to have stumbled upon this product, EQ. I can’t say enough good things about it and I wish that the whole world could here me from the mountain tops screaming that they should try this for themselves. Those of us who are stuck in depression and brain fog and wake up every single day thinking the world is colored blue, we cannot see any different until we pull ourselves out of it and look thru different lenses to see the world is really not all blue at all! It’s multi-faceted with amazing different colors and blue, is just a small piece of it!

We don’t know that life should be any different if we don’t ever seek to see and be different. If you feel like you’re a grouch or tired or foggy or have way too much blue in your world, you have to try EQ! Do yourself a favor, ask those who live with you, your family and spouse or parents or friends, If they see you as a blue person. Sometimes it’s helpful to us if we offer a safe place for their opinion. Or don’t and just get on this ship and surprise yourself and them with a new and improved you!

If you would like to learn more about EQ, please check out the site here.

~Alice

Thank you for your comments, it means a lot!
Dr. Hyatt has given me a discount code for friends and family, the code is: tryeqdiscount I think it gives you a 10% off discount, I’m not sure how long the code will be active. http://biogenicnutrition.com/product/equilibrate-monthly-b/

3 thoughts on “I struggled for a long time and didn’t realize it.

  1. Rietta says:

    You are so brave and I’m so thankful that you are a part of our lives. Thank you stepping up and taking the risk with this post.

  2. Patty says:

    Wow. I can’t thank you enough for having the courage to write this! I can’t tell you how much I can totally relate to what you’ve been through. I’ve been on antidepressants for two years now, and have recently found myself back in that same dark pit that I was in before. Everything is blue and every smile is forced. I will definitely check out the EQ!

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