Risking Pain for Love

Love is a risky.

To love another deeply. Is inviting pain.

You cannot have one without the other. The bite of death will deliver its poison sooner or later. But, regardless of that risk, we were made to love. We have given a piece of us away, never to return to us.

In the movie Cast Away, The main character is stuck on a island as a plane crash survivor. He is so desperate for love, he makes a face on a soccer ball and gave it a name. He has conversations with it and takes it with him everywhere. Until one day, the ball is taking out by a tide and he cannot reach it. The grown man cries tears of sorrow for that ball he had called his friend. I almost cried watching it. How can you be so attached to a soccer ball? How much more is the grief of losing a real human.

A flower cannot blossom without sunshine, and man cannot live without love.

Max Mull

I can’t say I have experienced losing a human I really loved, yet. But I know its coming. I have many humans in my life that I love, they will die at some point.

I can imagine the grief of what I may feel. I don’t like it.

Recently, we as a couple have had the unpleasant experience of a relationship die in our lives. It not only effected me, but my husband in great detail. For hours turning into days we have spent consoling each other and trying to work thru the ugly experience that made a scar upon our memory. We had to go thru and are still working thru a grieving process of what is basically death. It’s the death of a relationship. Even to the point of seeking out paying council to help us understand how to deal with the hurt it caused. This death has changed us. Some for good, to where we are softened towards fellow humans that aren’t perfect just like us. If I didn’t before, I am extra sensitive to not holding my friends to a standard of perfection that cannot ever be achieved.

Friends can help each other. A true friend is someone who lets you have total freedom to be yourself – and especially to feel. Or, not feel. Whatever you happen to be feeling at the moment is fine with them. That’s what real love amounts to – letting a person be what he really is.

Jim Morrison

Never before has something like this happened to us. And it hurt. It hurt badly. Satan has had a hay day trying to persuade us that we are worthless friends thru this. The circumstances surrounding it are complicated.

I know in my heart, I will never return to the place I once was, and actually, its a good thing. I am beginning to understand the relationship wasn’t healthy for me, I was trying to wear shoes that didn’t fit and clothes that were too small. I had blisters on my feet and suffocation from the tightness. Nevertheless, I saw potential but my faith wasn’t enough.

Love is friendship that has caught fire. It is quiet understanding, mutual confidence, sharing and forgiving. It is loyalty through good and bad times. It settles for less than perfection and makes allowances for human weaknesses.

Ann Landers

If there is one thing about people I know, you cannot make them love you. Or like you. And you cannot take back those invisible daggers called words and try patching a ten foot gouge in the side of a steel boat with measly scotch tape and expect it to still not sink.

If I can be unselfish enough to recognize when I hurt someone, I have to go to them and work thru it. Life is much to short to live with regrets that you could have helped fixed.

I am certain that God allowed this death to occur for a reason.

I don’t believe he caused it, I believe He allowed it to happen.

Within the pain and sorrow of our experience, we are being pruned and there will be a season of spring where we will blossom and grow again in relationships. Its already here. We are bouncing back! We are finding other fish in the sea.

We trusted and loved and got hurt. We gave much time and effort into a relationship and it got wadded up and thrown in the trash. And now, we must learn to allow the Lord to change us for the better and help us forgive those who hurt. Satan’s lies will not be believed here. We will be loved again for who we are by other souls who will appreciate our friendship and who we are as people.

Love is a risky.

We will square our shoulders, hold our heads with confidence and trust others and love fully invested, knowing that to get the experience of joy we crave we must love and to love deeply will bring eventual pain wether that is a relationship death or physical death.

Love will always triumph over the pain. Love is powerful and the greatest of all. Go and Love.

~Alice

1Corinthians 13:3 Three things will last forever – faith, hope and love, the greatest of these is love.

10 thoughts on “Risking Pain for Love

  1. Farmwoman says:

    Thanks once again Alice for this thought provoking lesson. Lessons in life are so hard. I’m always a little slow on the uptake with friendships and find myself being used and then I hate myself for allowing it to happen. I’d rather spend more time with my dogs than get mad at myself for allowing this to happen. I’ll get it one of these days.

    • Alice says:

      Lorna,
      I can most certainly see how you would rather spend time with an animal then a human. Animals have ways of loving us without judgment. Lessons are hard, and its really hard to know who to trust fully, especially these days. I want to encourage all of us to love fully , regardless of past hurt, knowing in our hearts that when you trust and love doesn’t mean you will get it in return. And we can learn to be content with loving without return of what we hoped for. God Bless you Lorna!

  2. Rietta says:

    Well put and well thought out. My heart hurts for you and yet I smile through the tears, so proud of the way you’ve handled this.

    • Alice says:

      Yes Rob, You are so right! Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith… God Bless You and Joyce!

  3. Erika says:

    I am sad that I am just reading this post now. Never the less, I send you {{hugs}} and prayers. God has you fully in his caring hands and I believe you will be blessed even more than you already are. Love <3 in Christ, ~Erika : )

    • Alice says:

      We are blessed Erika, and He has shown us thru others how much He loves us. You are one of those people. Thank you for your friendship.

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